1. No jeans fitting correctly, ever. Either you can’t pull them over your butt, or you wind up with a huge gap in the waist. There is no in between.
2. All skirts and dresses are too short in the back. Oh, that office-appropriate pencil skirt you love? It’s more club-appropriate on your booty.
3. Forget squeezing between tables at restaurants. Or aisles at movie theatres. Your butt is an independent entity that will wind up in the faces of anyone in the near vicinity.
4. Every seating struggle ever. Perching on a barstool leads to booty spillage. You take up more than your fair share when sharing a seat. Sitting on someone’s lap never goes as planned.
5. You’ve flashed a little crack more times than you care to think about. Maybe you should just embrace this part of you and become a plumber.
6. People assume you’ve got mad moves to go with your booty. Yes, your butt has its own gravitational pull. But not everyone with a robust backside can twerk.
7. You still have an embarrassing spiritual connection Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” What can you say? Back before you learned to embrace your curves, this anthem gave you hope.
8. Trying to work the cute baggy boyfriend jeans trend has two results: You either look homeless or huge—and neither is a good look.
9. Your butt eats underwear for breakfast. There’s no delicate way to say it. If you forgo the thong, it’s permanent wedgie city.
10. Similarly, running shorts are a distant fantasy. Unless you like your shorts riding up higher and higher with each stride. Yay, chafing.
11. Finding a cute bikini is impossible. If there isn’t a mix-and-match option, forget it. You have to pick between your butt hanging out or super-frumpy granny bottoms.
12. Guys are always grabbing your butt. Not that you can complain, but c’mon, your girls need some love, too.